It has been one month since I took the leap and published my first blog post. Since then my posts have been viewed nearly 300 times by people from 24 different countries, received 146 likes and I now have 25 beautiful fellow bloggers following my journey. Now I am under no illusion these are some poultry numbers compared to some of the big digits you crazy talented creative types are pulling out there. However for me every single view means the world to me.
I started writing this blog during a particularly low point in my life. Feeling lost, confused and indecisive, my quarter life crisis struck me like a curve ball from nowhere. Up until now now everything seemed so simply laid out, do well in school to get into a good university to get a good career and live happily ever after. But after graduating I realised I wasn’t ready to strap myself into a desk and watch the world pass by from an office porthole and so I packed my bag and embarked on a year working and travelling in Asia. I don’t regret this decision. It was an incredible experience and it’s always important to broaden your horizons and experience new things.
However, upon returning it did leave me with something of a dilemma. What to do next? Do I continue living the nomad lifestyle and travelling the world, or is it time to get into bed with the corporate giants and launching my burgeoning career? At first I was confident it was the former, this led me to leave my long term girlfriend and shun a potentially comfortable and stable life back home in favour of a no strings attached globe trotting jaunt. For a while I was sure I had made the right decision, but then I started to see all my friends and peers from university making great strides in their careers, buying their first houses and starting families. I was jealous. Had I made a mistake? I returned to my home and started searching for a steady job I could find fulfilment in. It wasn’t long before I found myself feeling increasingly disheartened. Accounting, recruiting, selling, all the options available to me, it all felt so uninspired. I didn’t want to do any of it and worse yet I didn’t have a fucking clue what I did want to do.
I found myself at a crossroads countless other twentysomethings and beyond have found themselves in at one point or other. The road ahead twists and curls out of view, as does the road to the left and to the right. I don’t know which one I should take, I don’t know which one I want to take, should I even be taking these roads or carving my own path? In the face of the unknowable I did the seemingly safest thing, nothing. I stood where I was and dug my feet into the dirt, until the dirt formed a hole, formed a pit, formed a canyon, with me at the bottom still scuffing my feet.
I knew I needed to make a change. If I couldn’t yet pick myself up and pick a lane, then I could at least make some positive changes from down here in my cave, start carving the first few rungs in my ladder in preparation for my great escape. I turned to writing. I have always loved the written word above anything else, even when my thoughts are louder and darker than ever I can get lost in the silence of a good book for hours on end. When I was a kid the only thing I wanted to be was a writer and even now, after 20-odd years of existence, writing is the only thing I know of which makes me feel truly fulfilled.
Writing a blog seemed to me to have two key benefits. Firstly, the cloak of anonymity would allow me to completely be myself, without fear of incrimination or implicating others in my woes. Secondly, the general informality of blogging allows for an unfiltered, stream-of-consciousness style of producing, deeply conducive to getting in touch with ones inner thoughts. I wanted to understand more about myself and the current moods I was afflicted with, as well as create something physical and concrete from the hazy, immaterial fog of my mind. I resigned myself to the fact that nobody would ever read anything I read. I had no intention of telling anyone about what I was doing and so how would anyone ever find my scattered ramblings amongst the haystack of the wide web? More importantly why would anyone even care about what I had to say?
Instead I have found a supportive and kindred spirit community of fellow writers, strugglers, creaters, inspirers, globe trotters, searchers, photographers, explorers and entrepreneurs. Every one of you struggling and striving to cut your own unique paths through the world. To share your experiences, help and inspire others, connect with your fellow men and women, and form communities based upon shared loves. We’re all just trying to make our way towards happiness anyway we can, and here amongst you fellow bloggers I see the blood, sweat and tears which go into making that journey.
I have been humbled by this community. To every viewer, liker and subscriber, I thank you. Come join me and let’s make this journey together.